Thienan Tran

Talking to 35 Strangers at the Gym Background A couple months ago, I was the Wizard of Loneliness. I had graduated from college almost two years prior and, while I had luckily found a job, I was unsuccessful in finding friends. Each night, I would look up “how to make friends after college” and find the same advice given every time: “do your hobby with other people, frequently”. On paper, the gym seemed like the perfect opportunity to meet people since I would go there nearly every day; however, according to Reddit, there’s a number of people who want to be left alone and can be irritated if you interrupted their workout to talk. Figure 1: Redditors who don't like to be interrupted at the gym I am deeply afraid of irritating someone or being in awkward situations. Here’s a list of things that I did as a result of that fear:

Hesitated for a couple minutes before waking up my roommate when the fire alarm went off

Pretended I didn’t know a childhood friend when they said hi because I didn’t know how to act around people I used to know

Ignored people I knew from class instead of saying hi because I didn’t know for sure if they remembered me even though the class had only 10 people in it

So you can understand when I say that walking up to someone and starting a conversation with them at the gym of all places is kinda terrifying for me. Unfortunately, there was no other good option. My other hobby is programming, but the Syracuse Development group only meets up once a month, and activities suggested by r/Syracuse like volleyball and trivia night require you to already have friends. I didn’t have a choice. If I wanted friends, I would have to put in the work at the gym. Problem Statement I am lonely and have no friends. Procedure I decided to run a little experiment to find some friends. Each day, for one month, I picked out one person to approach. Usually it would be someone I saw frequently at the gym. Then, I would approach them, wave or tap them on the shoulder to get their attention, and then give them my opening line. Initially, my opening line for everyone was “Hey I see you here all the time. You’re pretty strong. What’s your split?”

After a week or so, I began customizing the opening line per person based on what I found interesting about them. For instance, someone was wearing a Boston hat and I was curious whether they went to school in Boston like I did, so I asked them about it. After the opening line, I tried to talk to them for 5-10 minutes until they let me go. I tried not to be the one to end it because I have a habit of ending conversations early. Results Here’s the raw data. I split it up by week and put it into these collapsible things because it takes up a lot of space. Click on each week to see the data for that week. Description is a short description of the person. Length is how long the conversation was. A short conversation is 0-2 minutes, a medium conversation is 5-7 minutes, and a long conversation is 10+ minutes. Notes are just anything interesting about the conversation or the person I was talking to. Aftermath is what happened after that conversation. Week 1 (7) DescriptionLengthNotesAftermath Upstate Medical University StudentMediumHe is indeed an Upstate Med studentHe sometimes comes up to me to have short conversations. I don't see him anymore Big guy who wears a brown hatLongI actually reached out to him on Instagram first. Then I met him that same day to continue the conversationWe say hi and talk about our lives sometimes. He is a very friendly guy who is always down to chat. He knows a lot of people at the gym and gives good advice on fitness CS major looking for a jobLongVery talkative and friendlyHe found a job and moved away Medical coderMediumHe noticed I did weighted dips and said I was strongUsually I wave, but I don't see him at the gym anymore Guy wearing Boston hat (nurse)MediumI was unsure if it was a good conversation because he started lifting while I was talking. But I think he just wanted to do both at the same timeI initiated two more conversations but now we don't interact Guy who lives downtownMediumI asked him if he worked downtown since he looked familiar; he said no, but he lived there.We chatted every day for a couple weeks. We're busier now but we still chat every week Mech eng with moustacheShortI asked him a question, he answered and left.

I guess he didn't want to talkWe don't interact Week 2 (10) DescriptionLengthNotesAftermath Guy with deep voice and likes to wear greenMediumReserved. I made him laugh bc I said he seemed scary. He also ended up using my opening line to introduce himself to someone else at the gym!We say hi sometimes but usually don't interact Big guy 1MediumI asked him for his split and he sent me his training regimen on InstagramWe say hi sometimes and he gives advice Guy with curly hair and likes to wear blackShortGave me tips on chest press and offered to let me borrow his straps, but didn't want to talk much. I thought it went badly...I rarely see him, but we fist bump each other whenever we see each other. So, not as bad as I thought it was Girl with glassesShortCurt. Didn't ask any questions back. Felt like she was waiting for me to finishWe don't interact Guy who wears darcsportShortVery chill and reserved. Prefers not to talk muchWe wave to each other sometimes but we usually don't interact Guy wearing maple leaf hatShortI asked if he was Canadian. He wasn't. The endWe don't interact Woman who comes with her friendShortComes with a friend to workout. I think she's from ColumbiaI say hi to her each day. Our conversations are short but sweet Guy who works at lotte biologicsMediumHe likes to golf and eat salmonWe say hi and talk about our exercises whenever we see each other Guy who bought a protein drink from CrunchMediumI asked him about his protein drink. He said to buy it in bulk at Walmart or get a chicken bowl from ChipotleI initiated one more conversation but now we don't interact Wiry older guy who sprints across the gym to warm upShortHe asked me to guess how old he was. I said 25. He was 54.We smile and wave sometimes Week 3 (14) DescriptionLengthNotesAftermath Guy who wears wrestling shirt and has a home gymMediumTalkative. He likes to chat but doesn't initiateI initiated one more conversation but now we don't interact Landscaper who boxesMediumFirst conversation was good.

We talked about boxing and HyroxWe wave to each other if we're nearby Girl who goes to Syracuse UniversityShortMy opening line was "Do you go to SU?" When she said yes, I didn't know how to continue, so I said I think I saw you at CVS. She was like probably and I didn't know what to do next but luckily she said "I gotta finish my workout." So I left.I never saw her again Guy who was tutored by my dadShortA small catchup conversation. I overcame my past perception anxiety to talk to himWe usually don't interact Cousin of the guy who was tutored by my dadMediumConnected on the both of us being VietnameseWe don't interact Girl with red dyed hairMediumShe dyed it herself and wants to try green next. She was fun to talk toWe wave to each other if we're nearby Woman who brings her own barbellMediumFriendly. Her barbell is a special women's barbell. All the barbells at the gym are for menI rarely see her Girl with blonde dyed hairShortI asked her about her hair and she said she dyed it herself after watching TikToks. I didn't know what else to say after, so I left.I never saw her again Guy with good facial hairLongSeems like he's looking for friends tooWe say hi to each other whenever we meet Korean girlShortI didn't know how to start a conversation with her, so I just asked if she was Korean and she said yes. Then I made her guess what kind of Asian I am. Then I rambled about being Asian in Syracuse before leaving.I initiated one more conversation but now we don't interact The other Asian guyMediumI approached him because he was the only other Asian guy. He took the opportunity to ask me to spot himWe started working out together after realizing we did the same exercises. He made dinner for me and we watched a movie Male SU studentShortI talked to him on a whim because I was doing calf raises near where he was squatting. He said yes and I let him do his thingWe say hi to each other at the gym. When we finally had a full conversation, we exchanged Instagram. He later revealed that he was struggling with making friends in Syracuse.

We went to Kofta Burger for dinner Old gay with tattoo of Osiris eyeMediumHe said it was a mistake made in his youthI rarely see him but we usually don't interact Old guy who brought his own towelShortHe was sweating like crazyI never saw him again Week 4 (3) DescriptionLengthNotesAftermath Guy who was doing exercise where you pick up barbell and lift it above your headShortI asked him what exercise he was doing. He explained but I wasn't really listening.I never saw him again GirlShortNothing interesting really. Just said hiWe wave to each other Guy with big calves (nursing student)ShortI asked him for tips on growing calves and he didn't know. He said he did box jumps a lot. I did not want to do thatI never saw him again Week 5 (1) DescriptionLengthNotesAftermath My old manager at Cake BarShortThey remembered me even though I only worked a weekend. We had a short catchup conversationThis was very recent so I have no updates Reflection The first couple days were extremely difficult. I had been conditioned to believe that initiating a conversation with a stranger was weird and it was tough to break free from that. As a result, for the first few people, I would always make a detour at the last second, i.e. make a trip to the water fountain. I chickened out! The solution was to approach the person as quickly as possible so that I didn’t have time to think about running away. Luckily, the first few people were receptive. I got a rush of dopamine whenever someone responded positively to my conversation, so talking to new people became strangely addictive. I kept talking to more and more new people each day until I talked to a whopping seven (SIX SEVENNN) new people in one day (this is why Week 3 has a lot of entries). It was crazy. People didn’t always respond positively though. In Week 1 and Week 2, I came across a number of people who were really short with their responses and didn’t try to continue the conversation. They gave off the vibe that they didn’t want to talk to me. It was really awkward and almost made me end the experiment. But over time, I came to accept that it’s ok if they didn’t want to talk to me.