Notes from a Tired Egyptian Guy Whose Job Is Explaining That Humans Built the Pyramids

Internet Tendency The Store Books Division Quarterly Concern The Believer Donate

Day 4,382 of people asking whether “normal workers” could really move large stones without assistance from mystical sky beings. Yes. That is generally how construction functions. - - -A man approached me near the Nile today and whispered, “But have you considered… visitors from the stars?” Brother. We do not even have reliable sandals yet. Why would intergalactic civilizations travel unimaginable distances only to help stack triangles? - - -People dramatically underestimate what thousands of organized humans can accomplish when they are adequately fed, aggressively supervised, and denied alternative career paths. - - -Another traveler asked: “How could ancient people possibly understand mathematics?” Excellent question. We accidentally invented geometry while trying to avoid carrying rocks incorrectly. - - -There is a strange tendency among future civilizations to imagine ancient Egyptians spent all day worshipping cats, speaking in riddles, and waiting for aliens to explain basic engineering. - - -I showed one visitor the ramps. The pulleys. The labor records. The architectural planning. He nodded thoughtfully and replied, “Interesting. But what if extraterrestrials?” At this point, I believe some people simply find aliens emotionally comforting. - - -Do you know what sounds more believable than “A sophisticated civilization developed impressive construction techniques over centuries”? Apparently: “Space people.” - - -Yesterday, someone pointed at the pyramids and said, “There’s no way humans did this.” This feels deeply insulting considering humans also created taxation, organized warfare, and raisins. Clearly, we are capable of terrible perseverance. - - -The workers themselves would be furious hearing these theories. Imagine dedicating twenty years to hauling limestone under desert heat only for somebody in the future to conclude, “Honestly, this feels Martian.” Also, if aliens truly possessed advanced cosmic technology, why would they choose pyramids? Why not invent indoor cooling? Or chairs that support the lower back?